10 Things You Didn't Know About Your Parents

There must be a million things we don't know about our parents. Even if they were teens when we were born, they must have had years of grown-up experiences before we even cared to know. If my dad were still here, I'd ask him a lot about WWII, and my mom too--she was a Naval Officer, a WAVE. I'm sure there is plenty we DON'T want to know... but I thought it might be interesting to come up with 10 things my kids either didn't know, or didn't know the whole story, about their mom and/or me.
So here is a list, in no particular order:

1. My eyes each see colors slightly differently, probably because I mishandled a UV light when I was 11.
2. Before we were married, your mom volunteered helping patients at a free medical clinic in Gainesville, FL.
3. At age 14, I almost got my family kicked out of an apartment building after walking on the edge of the roof.  It was about 10 stories up.
4. Your mom was a Store Detective at AAFES in 1979-80, and was a natural at catching shoplifters.  After receiving threats from some people she caught, she switched to working in the warehouse--her shoulders and arms got so muscular she had to buy new shirts.
5.  She spent her first AAFES paycheck on me--to buy a Fairchild video game, it was one small step above "Pong," but state-of-the-art at the time--we were the hit of the neighborhood.
6. Also in 1979, we owned a green moped and your mom rode it to and from work.  I think it was a Honda.
7. My parents started me on 3 musical instruments in school before the last one "took;" first piano, then flute, finally trombone.
8. When your mom owned a craft consignment business in Michigan, she sometimes secretly bought the artists' work, to encourage them when business was slow.
9. Your mother used to have a random tooth positioned in front of her right upper canine; I loved her for it, she, of course, hated it.  As a couple, it was our first major expense to get it fixed.
10. I flunked my first written drivers test in Florida at age 17--misidentified a traffic sign.  Then I barely passed the actual driving test, so naturally, my first job after High School was as a car parts delivery driver.

Chant Songs I Have Known

Everybody's heard of Gregorian chants, but I just learned that they are not sung only by men--how chauvinist of me. Apparently they have always been sung by both sexes of monastic orders, sometimes even in mixed company, for over a millennium. Named for Pope Gregory I from the 7th Century, who was credited with ordering the simplification and cataloging of music assigned to specific celebrations in the church calendar.

I recently heard on Public Radio that a search by a major record company resulted in the selection of nuns in a convent near Avignon, France, to produce a CD of their chanting. They sound pretty amazing from the sample I've heard. As happens it got me to thinking about chanting songs I'm more familiar with, and I've included three below.

This is the first one I remember, Witchi Tai To; interestingly it is a Native American peyote chant set to mellow music--adding to it's popularity? It came out when we were becoming aware of pollution to our environment, which was popularly connected to native respect for the land. "Water spirit feeling springing round my head... makes me feel glad that I'm not dead." Catchy, it's one of those things that stayed with me for a long time. Jack Johnson made a cover of this.



Next is the one I think everybody has heard, Return To Innocence by Enigma. What I just found out is that the chant was illegally sampled from a--get this--indigenous Taiwanese "Jubilant Drinking Song" that was recorded by two native Taiwanese on CD as part of a cultural exchange program in France! Almost as odd, the drum beat was sampled from Led Zeppelin's "When the Levee Breaks." I played this song so much in the car it drove my family nuts... all the time thinking it was Native American.



After doing a little research I found many Native American chants set to music. I thought this one was particularly representative and beautiful:



Hope you enjoyed!

Following up the last entry so as to actually write something

Gotta get back into the blog habit and, as usual, I feel I must tie up issues from the last one I posted no matter how untimely it has become.

Well, as all know by now Abby Sunderland was found safe shortly after my last posting. I was very glad to hear it, and then allowed myself a brief excursion back into the "how on earth could her parents have allowed this" frame of mind. Aha, perhaps I was not alone. Turns out her family was shopping around a reality show based on the Sunderland kids and their love of life and all things adventurous. The dad said they pulled the idea when it became apparent the takers were going to go after the same slant I would have--namely "how on earth could her parents have allowed this."

At the heart of it is my, and apparently others, thought that a 16 year old girl shouldn't even be out of the house after midnight with her pals, let alone circumnavigating the globe alone. It just screams a certain naivete that no parent in the 21st century has any right to possess. All that aside, I wonder at a world where a full third of the population is starving, and yet a certain contingent spends their lives thrill seeking and "self-actualizing" as in the afore-mentioned stunt. Getting into the Guinness Book of records has taken up the time available for such idle pursuits as, say, community service, for one.

I sure couldn't talk if such people donated a part of their time serving on a soup kitchen line, for example. And, well, I can't talk anyway, since I'm not contributing either; having stopped contributions to the several charities I used to support. So at this point I'll drop the subject, and maybe contemplate why I myself am not a better person.... ah, this world in which we live...

I am usually optimistic at heart, and that included my assessment of the current recession--I was fairly certain it would turn the corner, and very soon too... but lately I have picked up on several things that have me a little worried.

First, there's been talk of calling this a double-digit recession--referring to the number of years it may continue, I believe. But that's not the most telling bit, especially since there have been nay-sayers on recovery all along, and always have been through the years. No, what worries me is the undertone that we are becoming less productive, more of an entitlement based society with unrealistic expectations on the part of our young work force. That's not good--we will never recover if we become lazy in comparison to the rest of the world.

Our productivity in terms of what we accomplish in an 8 hour day, compared to other "first world" countries, has always been high if not the highest. It, along with technological advances, has been the main mast of our "Ship of State." But a perfect storm of laziness, combined with stagnant technology advances and growing economies in Asia, will permanently break the mast.

Something pretty spectacular would have to come down the pike to get us through that storm. We better hope we master fusion energy or teleportation pretty darn soon...

So here's hoping that succeeding generations of Americans find their roots again in a good old fashioned work ethic--about that, I am still optimistic.

Praying for Abby

As a father, and maybe just as a caring person, I am a little distraught by the current situation of young Abby Sunderland. Abby is a 16 year old girl who was attempting to be the youngest to circumnavigate the globe in her sailboat, Wild Eyes. I say was because maintenance issues forced her to miss that hurdle, but she continued on anyway. Now, her two manually activated emergency beacons have gone off while in the remote southern Indian Ocean just a few hours ago. Hearteningly, her automatic beacon has not activated, leaving hope the boat is upright and she may yet be safe. We don't know, and because of her remoteness help is 40 hours away and communication via radio is 11 hours away.

Having just returned from the wedding of my oldest daughter, I have been catching up on a lot of work here and that includes computer work--I've been falling behind on my blog too. Anyway, home page MSN just splashed a story about Abby, and searching a link I found myself in an article about the latest trend in young people doing very dangerous things with their parents' permission, like that 13 year old who scaled Mt Everest. The slant of the article was "what were they thinking?" I felt the same way, it got me angry--this business of wanting your children to "realize their dreams" and somehow placing that above common sense.

Hey, when I got back here from the New York wedding I found that my 11-year old stepson had finagled a 3-inch blade Buck Knife for his birthday by purchasing it with his own money--that thing is now in my possession. He has wanted a pocket/hunting knife for a long time but er, uh, HELL NO. What is an 11 year old doing with a "hunting knife" here in suburbia? Why does a 13-year old need to climb Mt Everest, a path which, last I heard, is still littered with 3 frozen corpses?

Anyway, here I was hating on permissive parenting while clicking on another link, this one Abby's on-scene blog via satellite link, and guess what? She uses Blogger, and among all the many choices available, her blog looks identical to mine, The Truth Eludes Us. Same colors, layout, background, etc. It was a shock that brought me back to earth and one simple sentiment--please God, bring her in safely. I don't care anymore what her parents were thinking--they are terrified but hopeful, and whatever their reasons for supporting this endeavor, it just doesn't matter anymore. All that matters is that Abby be found safe.

While I am not the devotee I once was to organized religion, I still suspect there's a Big Guy who sort of manages things according to His own inscrutable rules. I don't pray as much to Him as I used to, and now when I do mostly it's a quiet thing wherein I close my eyes and think it. But I am not averse to humbly asking Him to watch over the young and naive, the helpless and the hopeless, or the lost souls of the Modern Age. And maybe intervene once in a while, as I feel sure He sometimes does. Please Father, help this child. Amen.

First to Die, Alternate Ending and Cancel!

I wonder what it's like to be a TV actor who dies in the first 10 minutes of a new show. Particularly if it ends up being a hit like "Lost," it must be like that drummer who left the Beatles mere days before they went global phenom. For example, lots of people died in the first episode of "Lost." Actor Greg Grunberg was among them--uncharacteristically, but fortunately for him he immediately hit gold with "Heroes." Maybe the rest of those those guys should start a club, "Actors Who Came Thaaaat Close to a Hit." They could call it AWCHIT for short.

Recently I started watching Happy Town, a murder mystery/paranormal mix, in which the opening scene features a very familiar character actor (always remember the face, never the name!) being killed. I remember thinking "man, if this series takes off, that will suck major for him." He need not worry, after 3 episodes ABC is dropping it--to be honest, it was a little uneven though the cast was pretty smart.

Speaking of "Lost," apparently a number of alternate endings were made, probably to minimize the chance of spoiler leaks. I don't like that because they are sure to end up on the DVD collection, and like so many other disc Special Features, we will be left wondering what the original intention REALLY was. After all, once you have options, you can do audits, field tests, and so on to "pick" the end; and really, there should be one ending to anything--love it or not.

Bummer, so much of my enjoyment of life these days is commercial TV. Though I have HBO I rarely watch it, and I'm trying out NETFLIX but finding that much of the content is sub-standard indie fare. No, for catharsis, mostly I look forward to the handful of TV shows I follow. I am one of those people who start up with a show and quickly decide if I'm going to commit or not. Sadly, my commitment often means cancelation. Liked Flash Forward, it's canx'd (and likely no planned ending), hate "V," but that's coming back. ABC hasn't figured out that anything that follows "Lost" is going to look better than it really is.

It's as bad as you always thought--car buyer be afraid, be very afraid

For the first time in over 2 years, I awoke this morning without a Nissan 350Z in the garage. I finally got up the courage to trade in that all-but-useless ego-pumping rocket toy for something nominally more practical, a Chevy Impala. It is a "pre-owned car" and of course, the buyer must always beware; I accepted that risk. What I was not prepared for was the degree to which they tried to screw me, which was unbelievable--worse, it was almost, dare I say it, evil. I'm not kidding. Let me explain.

Not A Complete Dummy.

First off, I did my homework. I scanned the papers and the internet for 3 months searching out the kinds of cars available, and the "sales" price versus the estimated value by net sites like Edmunds and Blue Book. Secondly, I lined up financing and did all the calculations so I knew what I could afford vs what value I could receive. The biggest variable was what to expect on the trade-in for the Z--internet estimates do not guarantee the dealership offer. For several reasons, I felt the time to act was now. I was leaning toward the same dealership we bought our last 2 cars from because, perhaps stupidly, I figured hey, they have to treat me right, I'm a repeat customer. Also being local, they could expect to see me again if I had a good experience and when I needed service. Heck, I might even get the "inside deal" like on "Seinfeld." I picked two vehicles off the internet to look at, and went there.

First Visit.

I admit, this should have been my first clue--none of the vehicles in the Used Lot had the prices in the window. Immediately I was suspicious--I mean come on. But I was armed with the internet prices the dealership had posted so I figured they could not duck their own numbers. Unfortunately, the internet lags reality and the primary vehicle my wife and I wanted was already sold. After getting a very non-specific estimate on the trade in value of the Z, I told them I would have to talk to the wife and regroup. I noted they didn't jump through their butts to try to shove something else down my throat, which I took as a symbol of good faith that I knew what I wanted and would be treated well when I came back.

Second Visit.

Sheila and I looked at 6 cars on the internet and picked two possibles, and three days later I went back. This time I took a free ride in the Impala, brought it home and showed Sheila. When I took it back, I said I liked it but Sheila was unsure. The salesman said "the wife has to be happy or there will be trouble down the line"--we both laughed and I said I'd be back the next day with a decision. Again I left without feeling pressured--I am definitely an "insider!"

Third Visit.

Sheila said OK to the Impala, so when I went back we immediately started the paperwork. In passing time, I told the salesman my target payment (let's call it X) and the reason I had to get a more functional car (Sheila's illness) and why the payments had to be near my goal (I can't work). Also that I couldn't do this if I didn't get close to the payoff on the Z, and lastly, that I had no money for a down payment (both because I don't have the cash!). I mean, these are the facts man, no bull, bottom line. I got knowing nods and mumbled assurances, and when the salesman went to the manager to get their offer, I was fairly sure it was all set. Mind you, at this point we had not mentioned the price of the Impala. I assumed their opening bid would be the internet price.

The Horror.

He returned with this offer: Monthly payments $X + $179, plus a down payment of $1500. And this is a good deal, he said. Completely dismissed everything I had told him. I was stunned--then I saw the price of the car--a full $5000 more than the internet price. And the Z trade-in was $1000 lower than the lowest internet estimate for a bare-bones Z, which mine is not. I calmly told him this was completely out of line, and he actually tried to convince me this was "the deal" and they couldn't do better. I asked him if he had internet on his computer, then showed him the internet price--that stopped him cold. All he could say was "they really need to tell us what they put on the website." Yeah, sure. I stood up and told him he was nowhere near what I could do and headed for the door--not dramatically, mind you, just convinced that I was wasting my time. He jumped up and asked me to wait while he told the manager about the internet price. When he came back, he said they could shave another $50 off the monthly price. Emphatically, I repeated everything I had said earlier about what I could realistically do, and was actually opening the door to leave when he got the Sales Manager to intervene.

The Sales Manager

Well, this guy was smooth, a whole lot more personable. He started by saying how much they had shaved off and couldn't we meet somewhere in the middle on good faith, etc., and I just said "whoa. It doesn't matter what you're telling me, I know what I can do," and I gave him the whole sob story. He must have seen my determination and said I was right, and he was going to meet my requirements. In fairness, he got me the payment I originally felt I could do--given the low end of the internet Z trade-in. I shudder to think what they would have done to me had I not been prepared. They knew I was a repeat customer, maybe they had computer notes saying "retired military, govt employee, lots of money, and so on," and just proceeded to highball me. I am still processing whether I will use them for servicing in the future.

In Closing

Years ago I test-drove a used van in Abilene TX; just happened to check all the pockets and cubbyholes and found an old registration. Uh-oh, the odometer noted on the paper, dated a year before, was 90k, while the odometer on the van was 35k--hint, time doesn't go backward and neither does an odometer. I pointed this out to the salesman, who feigned ignorance and distress, and announced he could never sell this vehicle and would immediately yadda yadda yadda. Yeah. I am absolutely convinced you will never get a "good deal" on a used car unless you buy from a private party or are in the business itself. It feels like the ultimate victimization, and must happen thousands of times every day. I didn't go private party because I was worried about selling a car I still owed so much on--I was worried about releasing the banks lien. Maybe I shouldn't have. My advice, if you want new, go with a buying service like AAA, Carsdirect or USAA; if used, do your homework and buy from real people.

On "Pitching a Bitch"

Not long ago
I had an itch
To chuck it all
And pitch a bitch.

The moment passed
but not for free;
said one crass word,
or maybe three.

It happened quick
when I let go,
At someone close.
And don't you know

they took it hard.
And unexpected,
apology
was not accepted.

Though days ago,
it figures large
in things like chores,
and who's in charge,

and whether I'll get
sympathy
for wounded pride
or injured knee.

I don't know;
if we wait a while,
will we still joke
and share a smile?

Or has it changed
forevermore;
a verbal scar,
unsettled score.

I'd take it back
if such could be
but nothing works
that easily.

So pitch that bitch
go on, dispense
without a thought
to consequence.

Or down the line
instead reflect,
bad things unsaid
don't feel neglect.